Note: This article was originally written for the Mind Body Soul Magazine of Malaysia in 2018 and is reproduced and updated here in 2022 with some of my observations about interacting with men in the Islamic faith (see later paragraphs).

I was recently invited to join the Board of Directors of a company owned by a Muslim organization in Singapore. When I showed up at the first Board meeting, what struck me was that I was the only woman board member. Moreover, nearly everyone else was Malay-Muslim (I am ethnic Chinese), much older than me, and clearly already knew one another beforehand!

It was an interesting dynamic. From being part of the majority Chinese race in Singapore, I was now both a racial AND gender minority in this group. I wondered if I would be able to stand my ground and make a productive contribution during meetings, or whether I would be bulldozed over by the men.

I know that many women will relate to this. Despite the advances that women have made in the last half century, positions of power in society are still overwhelmingly dominated by men. Women continue to face more challenges than men in being seen, heard, respected, and leaving their impact on the world.

From this experience, I have learnt a number of lessons on what it takes to be heard and make an impact as a woman in organizations that are still predominantly male-dominated. I share them here with my fellow sisters who are also working on having their voice heard in a man’s world.

Surround Yourself with Supportive and Respectful Men

The one biggest thing that I am grateful for is that the men I work with are extremely supportive and respectful of women. They actively make space for my opinions and views. When I speak and if the men happen to be having a rowdy conversation, the Chairman will sometimes ask the other members to shush and listen. And they always do, once they realize I have started to speak.

The lesson: Choose to surround yourself with men who will respect and honour your voice. Once you have the experience of being honoured and respected, you will be able to recognize other men who will treat you with honour and respect, and you will have it in your vibration to be able to attract them.

Own Your Own Value and Authority

One of the first thoughts I had when I met the rest of the Board was literally, “Oh my gosh, they are much older and way more qualified than me!” And the underlying fear, “Do I really have anything valuable to contribute?”

This fear soon proved unfounded, as I realized that each member was contributing in his (and her) unique way. I might have a lot to say about strategy, whereas someone else would be an expert on HR, and another person might share a powerful personal experience that shifts the meeting’s perspective on an important question. We would take turns to chime in at different points during the discussion, and there was always value in what everyone said.

The lesson: You are the authority of your own experience, skills and gifts. Own your authority and contribute what you have in good faith, whether it’s a technical expertise, a positive energy, or even a personal experience that could be useful for others. As two people are never alike, there is always something you will have that other people do not, and vice versa, even if everyone else ‘appears’ to be bigger, better, smarter, etc. Know and value yourself, and people will want you for sure on their team.

Include Yourself in the Group

A friend of mine once asked me, “Do you feel excluded by the rest of the board when they start speaking in Malay in front of you”?

I pondered for a while then eventually answered, “Not really. As long as I sense positive vibes, I do not feel excluded even if they are speaking in Malay.”

Upon further reflection, I realized another reason why I feel included is that I make an effort to show up and include myself in the group. If the men are speaking in Malay and I don’t get it, I ask what it is about, and one person will usually take the time to explain it to me. Once I did this often enough, the men started being more sensitive and someone would usually take the initiative to translate for me if the discussion lapsed into Malay.  

Lesson: Inclusion can be as much an internal state of mind as an external invitation to be part of a group. One can show up at a meeting and feel out of place even if the rest of the group is warm and inviting. Do not exclude yourself from even before others exclude you! Start showing up, including yourself, ask to be included, and others will eventually include you, even in a male-dominated group.

Let Go Of Preconceived Ideas About How You Might Be Received As A Woman

Some of my acquaintances cannot fathom how it is that I am working in the leadership team of a Muslim group. In their minds, Muslim men mistreat women and it cannot be that I am being taken seriously or that my contribution is being valued at all. Surprisingly, it is the Europeans and Americans I know who have most often expressed this sentiment to me, much to my bewilderment.

I am glad to say that this is not the case amongst the Muslim men I work with on the Board. The men are religious for sure. The Chairman says a prayer in Arabic at the start of each meeting. The group will sometimes interrupt a Board meeting to pray in the room next door and we don't eat pork when we gather. But there is no sign that just because they are religious, they dismiss me or value my contributions any less. I get as much speaking time as the next person. Decisions are made by majority vote and consensus. Turns out that when there is an actual, practical job that needs to get done (i.e. running a company), people value your skills and ability to move the collective project forward and can't care less about what body parts you carry. 

It might also have helped that the men on the Board are highly-educated people -- managers, doctors, executives, and such -- who travel widely and work with all kinds of people, men and women, in their professional lives. So no, not all Muslims are sexist, racist extremists, contrary to some popular stereotypes. As with all other ethnic/religious groups, there is a wide variety of them out there. Some are more conservative, some are more liberal. Some insist as an article of faith on carrying a walking-staff and wearing desert-style clothing fashionable during the time of the Prophet Muhammad (alayhi as-salām/peace be upon him) around the 6th century AD. Others like to wear clean-cut Gucci suits.

I am not saying that there aren't any Muslim men out there who mistreat the women around them. All I am saying is -- don't go into knee-jerk reactions and defensiveness just because you have heard something about how this person or this group of people behave towards women. Keep an open-mind, engage, and bring value.   

Lesson: Let go of stereotyping how you might be received because of your gender or other markers of physical identity. Instead, observe and evaluate each situation as it is, and not as you believe it will be. If you observe yourself going into a knee-jerk reaction, try to understand where that came from and if necessary, do the work required to heal it.   

Conclusion

We are all part of a global rebalancing of masculine-feminine energies on Earth. As you journey on this human experience as a woman, you will encounter more and more situations where you are called to step into your full voice, power and impact. Play with the tips above, cherish your experiences, and here’s to your feminine success and empowerment!